Rated R for violence, gore, & last but not least, nudity. Hi nudity, welcome back to mainstream film, we’ve missed you.

Directed by Zack Snyder (He’s also slated to direct Watchmen.) Good luck on that Zack, that project seems to be cursed).

Written by Zack Snyder, Kurt Johnstad, & Michael Gordon. Based on a comicbook by Frank Miller & Lynn Varley.

Starring Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, Dominic West, David Winham, Vincent Regan, Michael Fassbender, Kelly Craig, & Rodrigo Santoro.

Special Shout Out To: the CGI guys, they did such a stupendous job. The film would not have been possible without their talents. I have never seen a film so dependant on CGI to achieve the director’s vision. Good Job dudes, I don’t know who did what, but the folks at Animal Logic, Pixel Magic, Hydraulx, Meteor Studios, Hybride, Screaming Death Monkey, Lola Visual Effects, At The Post, Buzz Images, & Scanline VFX all deserve to be taking bows alongside the director & cast for pulling this epic off.

I’m giving this movie 4 doughnuts but I’ll give it a + 1 for the director & the studios having the testicular fortitude to release it with an R rating. Too many flicks today puss out & view the R rating as evil & edit the film into a sanitized for our protection version.

Why am I even reviewing this movie?
You all already saw it this weekend. I couldn’t get in Friday. I saw all the sold out show signs Saturday at more than one theatre, & Sunday I had to go see it in some sleazy dive theatre that most people are too scared to go to. Why didn’t I go see one of the press screenings? Well, I hate going to those things. If the movie sucks I usually justify it with, “How much did I pay for it?” & won’t bother to s#!t talk it. So I shell out my 8 bucks just like everyone else & then decide whether or not I got my money’s worth or if I took another d!©k in the ear. This movie was worth my 8 bucks, in fact, I think I might owe them money.

For the care bears out there who are complaining that it’s too violent, WTF is wrong with you? 1) It’s about Spartans, Spartans were badasses. 2) It’s based on a comic book, comicbooks are a violent medium. Of course it’s violent, it’s got dudes f@#king each other up with swords in it!! Were you expecting historical accuracy? Shakespearian dialogue? A magical little gnome to show up & teach the gruff but lovable King Leonidas & the rest of his Spartans how to love again? Did you even look at the movie poster? I’ll agree that this is unsuitable for children. Why do people feel that everything has to be suitable for children? Grown ups deserve to be entertained too. This is about as kid friendly as “Terrance & Phillip’s: Asses of Fire” & we all know what happened there.

All in all this is an epic film & you can tell everyone involved did an epic job. The cast was great. It’s hard to pull out any great moments, they were all great. The two things that stood out to me were; the fact that you could feel the hatred & contempt between Gerard Butler & Rodrigo Santoro, & Kelly Craig totally rocked that oracle scene.

As far as the special effects go, I kept asking myself, “I wonder what Ray Harryhousen is gonna think when he sees this?” (If you don’t know who that is just, IMDB him) The effects were so awesome that I actually evoked the name of the granddaddy of all sword & sorcery special effects men. I haven’t done that at all this century. (Says a lot for Lord of the Rings, don’t it.)

This movie kicked ass all around. It even had eye candy for everyone, no matter what your sexual orientation. They were even considerate enough to make sure that the conservatives & the liberals had enough to protest if they so desire. Everybody wins!!!